Hello...Is it me You're Looking for?

Yeah it's been a long time since I wrote... .. I'm sorry I've been living life.. I am sorry I am the ultimate blog slacker. But I'm never that great at keeping in touch anyway...That's who I am and how I roll. But there is always room for change. I have all these conversations in my head ( yeah I'm kind of crazy) So instead of talking to myself inside of my head I can blog it... makes me less crazy right? There is tons of stuff.. good & bad that has occurred in the months that I haven't blogged. It's super freaking crazy, but that's life right..or is it just mine?

Something that I'm truly proud of is that I trained for and ran my first half-marathon! What-What! Training was definitely a time for me & God to rock out together. He spoke to me in ways that totally blew my mind as he often does. I'll share some of those things in a later post.

My last post was about me cutting off my hair... I have quite the impressive fro now. My mom has stopped looking at me like a bald-headed stepchild.
Ttyl!

The BIG Chop!

Before After

All of my life I was natural and I’ve always had shoulder length or longer hair. I was teased and made fun of because of my nappy fuzzy hair. My mom would not let me get a relaxer even after all of my begging and pleading. I did get my hair pressed about once a month by my grandma. I remember those Saturday mornings sitting in her kitchen in front of the stove while she made my hair straight and beautiful. My grandma was a chain smoker so straight hair came with a price ... smoke scented hair. I hated that part… I also hated being burned… I can still feel it... LOL.

I always felt so pretty after I got my hair pressed no one would make fun of me for at least a week or two. I always feared the rain on accidentally getting my hair wet... As I got a little older & I was in middle school my grandma stopped doing my hair, because I had an “attitude” lol a middle school girl with an attitude what are the chances of that happening right. I started getting braids because they were pretty hot at this time. Dookie braids… I had those in my hair on and off for the two years of middle school as well as my freshman year in high school.

I found a new beautician my sophomore year Ms. Laverne... she could press a mean head. She didn’t smoke and she didn’t burn me and to top it off I didn’t have to hold my ear! So all through high school I’d faithfully get my hair pressed every three weeks and at 15 dollars who could beat that? In the summers I would get my regular hair braided and just wear it in different designs or a bun. I kept this routine up all through my undergraduate experience. I started working out at this time in my life so I would always sweat my edges out and I had a jet black straight ponytail that everyone who didn’t know me would swear it was weave.

Since I was working out and eating healthy my hair grew like mad, and my childhood desire to get a relaxer went away. I was proud of my thick fuzzy virgin hair. So by the time I graduated college and started my first teaching job my hair was mid back length. I very rarely wore it down I was always seen with a pony tail and my signature headbands whether my hair was pressed or natural.

As I started my third year of teaching I noticed that my hair began breaking off in the back of my head. I thought that it was stress because my new job in the inner city sucked beyond belief. I went to a dermatologist and he said it was something that I was doing to my hair and I thought since I didn’t have a relaxer that he was mistaken. He also asked me something that I thought was hilarious being that I got this question all of my life from others after a fresh press… the infamous “Do you have Indian in your family?” I said no, He then asked “Asian?” I laughed again and asked why. He stated that contrary to popular belief it is actually rare for a black person to have black hair. I remember lots of people asking me did I get a rinse, but I never thought anything of it. So I loved my hair even more, but I was still baffled as to why my hair was breaking. He also asked if my ponytail was too tight… I didn’t think so but after ten years of wearing it in the same spot every day I tried to give it a rest. I tried all kinds of anti-breakage and thinning hair products but nothing worked.

Finally I made a huge mistake…. I relaxed it. I thought that since my hair was already breaking what difference it would make. Boy was I wrong… I got an awesome asymmetrical bob that was super looking. I was amazed at all of the compliments that I got on my hair. Then I noticed after I got a relaxer many people that I knew started going natural… I was like I’m ok with my relaxer... I had some awesome styles for a bit, but my hair started getting more and more awful looking.

I went back the dermatologist again because it was just not getting better. He said, “You should not put a relaxer on your hair.” So I was like yeah that makes sense, but wont my hair break more? He said “ You are stuck between a rock and A hard place.” So here I am 2 and a half years later & I couldn’t take it anymore I wanted my natural fuzzy hair back. I was going to transition, but due to trying to be a good steward of my money I knew that the amount I was going to spend on braids couldn’t be justified. So I had started reading natural hair blogs and seeing all those people with healthy heads of fuzzy, curly, & kinky hair that looked like the hair that I had for 28 years & I did it. I big chopped.

I thought that I would never be able to do that because all of my life I had been taught that having long hair was a good thing. So on Wednesday March 30, 2011 at 9:30pm the deed was done. There was no turning back I could only go forward & healthy hair is not the only goal that I have I want a healthier happier whole me.

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So Long Summer Hello Reality

Soo its been quite sometime since I wrote...I've been on summer vaca and there is no internet access at the crib... I had so awesome things happen to me this summer & some not so awesome. Update I did not get a new job...but I am blessed with my old one..I've got two schools again...yeah no comment. In the beginning of the summer all I did was run, sleep, yardwork, eat... But as the summer wore on the weather became toooo hot for me to run & them my knee started fussing.. then my ankle... & now my feet! I'm like Lord can a sista get a break I'm trying to treat my body like the holy vessel that it is! I came to a lot of realizations this summer about my life and I've been letting God work through my stubborness & selfishness. God is soooo awesome... I'm just trying to be more like him each day... So I had hoped that I would get to go on maybe on date this summer...yeah that didn't happen. But I was kind of in an anti-social bubble yes just refer back to my summer activites listed above. Mom.... that was the buzz word of the summer...I wont say anymore God has been dealing with me about that..
Okay on to my crush... I've been praying to get over my feelings yeah that's not working... He is just the coolest guy I know.. & he has all of the qualities I would like in a sig nig. oh well I'm waiting on God's plan to unfold.. Well I gotta finish my lunch toodles...

Ready for Change!

So I didn't post after my last race... But I ran the whole thing! I have to post my pic I felt extremely dizzy afterwards but I was sooooooo proud! So now I'm running the three miles around my neighborhood no prob which means I need to take it up a notch. 7 weeks ago I couldn't & now I can! I am just amazed at what my perserverance & dedication is bringing me. I took like 30 seconds off of my time! I didn't expect to because I got soooo tired in the last mile. I didn't realize it at the time but my races were in the same week! My next race is June 12th The race for the cure in Downtown STL. I'm excited because it should be flat and since I've been training on hills this should be a piece of cake!
So off of racing news...I was praying one night and I was overwhelmed with how good God has been to me. I looked around my house and I was so grateful. I couldn't believe that I had practically rehabbed my house myself. I know that nothing is impossible with God! I cried because mostly all of my twenties were spent struggling with my job, weight, and destructive relationships. I've known how much God loves me & accepts me as I am! I wanted to change not because I felt i needed to change for to give God the glory. I love my job,but I feel as if my season there is over. I'm ready for a new adventure. We'll see if that is what God has in the plans for me. I have two interviews tonight so I'm praying & I hope you all will be as well. Deuces peeps!

The Running Diva

I am so proud and excited to say that I am up to jogging (not running) 3miles! PRAISE THE LORD! Getting up early and hitting the streets has paid off. Each race that I complete I knock a few minutes off of my time! I've been jogging for 5 weeks now and I can see myself getting toned especially my legs, but they were already hot anyway. I'm wondering when I should attempt my first 10k I'll just take it slow... I don't want to put too much pressure on myself. I know that if I stay on the course that I’m on I'll reach my goals.
I was reading my journals from past years and I am disappointed to say that I have been struggling with the same issues for the past 5 years! I want to break free from this bondage and move on to bigger and better things that God has for me! I have let go and let God show me what he has for me. This so hard for me because I am a control freak, but God is truly the one in control so I just worry & get my panties in a bunch for nothing. I control nothing!
So my house is still coming along quite slowly.... I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time... I think did I take on too much (as I often do) I Love my house & I thank God for it. I just get frustrated. I love the fact that my house is so me... the house it has awesome structure but there is work t0 be done on the outside... it still looks great but there is so much that I want to do with it. The inside of the house has gotten a total overhaul I'm still working on it but everything is mainly where I want it to go, organized, but still a little messy, colorful, expressive, and unique. All of this is the essence of me. I look forward to summer vaca because It will be a time for me to work on my house & train for my races! Yay!
Pray for my training I’ve got another race coming up Saturday! I hope to do BIG things!